Skip to main content

I Watch Movies Therefore I Get Mad - OR - I Hated The Mist

Seriously.

I'd like a refund on the last 2 hours of my life.
Yeah.
They were pretty much wasted.

Okay.
They were totally wasted.

On what, you ask?

The Mist.

Look - I've known this whole time, since the movie came out, that it would be... um... crap. And now that I've subjected myself to it, I can definitively say, 'that movie was crap'.

Know what annoys me?

On the cover, there's this blurb that reads, 'A masterpiece. One of the most shocking movie endings ever.' (or something to that effect).

What?

The person who wrote that is either
A: retarded
B: sheltered
C: retarded
D: fucking retarded

Unless by 'shocking' he means 'completely predictable', 'totally cliched', and 'mind-numbingly obvious'.

Then yes.
It was 'shocking'.

And please, don't any of you try to sway me by arguing that, 'the book was really good' because:
A: I highly doubt it.
B: I don't give a crap because I'm talking about the fucking movie.

Here's the deal:
The cinematography sucked.
The directing sucked.
The acting was... mostly pathetic.
The writing was heinous.

Please... do yourself a favor and don't watch this movie... unless you want to be forced to gouge out your eyes with rusty spoons as I was.

And while I'm on the subject.
Don't bother with 1408 either. (Another movie, might I add, that I knew would be fucking horrendous when it came out.)

In fact, if the story was written by Stephen King within the past... oh.... 10 years - skip it. It's not worth the air you breathe.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

What Is Genre And Why Should I Care?

There are terms that always seem to come up when talking about films: director, actor, plot, theme, score, etc. These terms are all self-explanatory; no one ever asks, ‘what’s a director?’ However, there are other terms that are equally common but less clear: genre, sub-genre, auteur, oeuvre, etc. These terms are more abstract then ‘director’ or ‘actor.’ It is entirely likely that someone will ask, ‘what is genre, anyway?’ This question specifically is what I will be answering with this paper. The answer to the question ‘what is genre,’ is multi-layered: genre is a means of classification. Genre is a means of communication. Genre is a means of understanding films. Genre is a means of relating to films. To one person all movies rated “PG” are a genre – possibly one also known as “children’s movies” – while to another all movies with similar topics treated in similar ways are a genre: i.e. movies dealing with frontier life depicted in a nostalgic manner are a genre often kn

Contracted Or I Just Watched A Zombie Movie

Seems like horror fans fall into two buckets these days: zombie lovers and zombie haters. That dividing line just keeps getting deeper and darker the more zombies gain "mainstream popularity". I currently fall into the "I am so tired of zombies I could puke" bucket. I haven't stopped  watching zombie movies so much as I've started avoiding them at all costs, literally watching every other subgenre offering I stumble onto, regardless of how terrible it is. I seriously re-watched Wishmaster  this past week. That's how far out of my way I've been going to avoid the significant number of zombie movies flooding Netflix. Then I accidentally watched one. Contracted - 2013 I'm sure it was partially due to the really terrible movie synopsis that Netflix provided, which I'm prepared to admit that they may have nothing to do with and  that I likely didn't read it very well. In a strange twist of events, the movie cover actually helped