i'm kael's ghost

On paper, in the 80's, Hard Rock Zombies  (HRZ) probably read like a really good idea: A metal band is murdered by Nazi hillbillies only to be resurrected as zombies who feel compelled to perform at their "big show". To signify their zombification, the makeup department was kind enough to dress them like Kiss . This, perhaps, is some sort of commentary on Kiss' commercialization or on how their fans seem like mindless zombies... I assume its best not to think too much about it. Anyway. After returning from the grave, all hell breaks loose and everyone is killed. Roll credits. Slight interjection here - wherever this backwoods hobo town is, it seems to have a lot of palm trees and California looking desert in it. Some movies are just bad . Some movies are so bad that they become beloved. Typically, the deciding factor in bad movies being forgotten or becoming cult favorites is how seriously the movie takes itself. Unfortunately for HRZ, and for those of us who ha...

The brat pack for spooky kids So many of our late 80’s / early 90’s horror favorites are really just the decaying remains of the (more mainstream) brat pack crap. And I really say that with the utmost love and respect for 80’s horror.  In the past, I’ve gone on and on (like some idiot school girl myself) about how much I adore The Lost Boys . And while I can write objectively about it’s cheesy, audience-pleasing roots, it’s got more under the hood than just a creepifide version of that sappy, heart-string-tugging, feel-good nonsense that fueled the brat pack flicks. There’s actually this weird, meta evolution within 80’s films that can literally follow kids from their adventuring, childhood Goonies days through one of the stereotypes laid out in your standard, brat packy, high school flick: were you the bad girl? You might just find yourself in The Lost Boys (or Heathers ). Were you the good girl? Well fuck, you’re probably going to find yourself smack dab in the mid...

In the past, as I endeavored to write a book, I binge-watched  The Shining  multiple times a day for a week or so. While it remains one of the greatest horror films of all time, anything in excess loses its "oomph" and, in this case, becomes absurd. There were literally moments where I would just start laughing out loud, alone on my couch, much to the displeasure of my cat. Even after watching The Shining so many times through, the thing that maintained its power to leave me unsettled was the soundtrack. There is something so profoundly, gut-wrenchingly terrifying about the warped, dream-like, thunder deep rumble of the opening soundtrack. It seems to roll up out of the hills like the menacing murmur of some sleepy elder god. I've spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out how one writes about one of the most famous, most talked about horror movies of all time without  coming off as a whack job like the loonies in Room 237 . TANGENT: I have rarely h...

Way back in 2005, my BFF and I got together for dinner. After dinner we decided to go to a movie. Being wild and crazy kids, we decided to just go to the theatre and see the first, not terrible option playing. What's out?... Four Brothers ? Four adult men who were foster brothers seek vigilante justice for the murder of their former foster mother. Nooope. No. Nope. Deuce Bigalow ? I can barely translate the bullshit slew of words that make up the plot description into a cohesive description. What I can tell you is that it's got something to do with Rob Schneider . Fuck no. Dukes of Hazard ? ... No. No. Noooope. Low-brow, white-trash TV show turned full-length feature film starring Jessica Simpson and Seann William Scott  - two of the stupidest humans on Earth . Skeleton Key ? Creepy voodoo horror shit? Well... okay. How bad can it be? Tangent I've written before about how idiotic movie characters are always asking, "How bad can it be?"...