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Phrases I Never Want To Hear Or See Again In Horror Reviews:

I hate reading horror movie reviews because the majority of folks reviewing them are, um, functionally retarded.  Or may never have seen another horror movie in their entire lives!

Here's my list of terminology that I want to see banned from reviewing:

1. "Scary as Hell."
Obvious first complaint - it's just never true.  If some idiot reviewer could think of nothing better to say than, "scary as hell", you know the movie sucked and they only watched the trailer for it.

My secondary complaint here - I'm not so convinced that Hell is actually a scary place.
(More on this another time.)

2. "Ratcheting up the Tension."
If you need to tell me on the box, or in the first 140 characters of your review that the movie is filled with tension, it's not.

And if it were, well, you just relieved it for me.

3. "The Most Shocking Movie Ending of All Time."
All time?  Really?  Do me a favor, okay, go watch some more movies.  Particularly some made in another country because really, if it was made here in the good ole US of A, it's bullshit and predictable.

If you didn't see that ending coming, you haven't watched enough movies and have no business reviewing them.

Also, lay off the absolute(s), okay?


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