Skip to main content

Beat The Heat Movie Suggestions

For most, summer means sunshine, popsicles, and trips to the beach. For the rest of us, there are movies to be watched in the air conditioned comfort of our living rooms.

To help combat the heat, I've put together a quick list of "snowbound" horror flicks for you to enjoy. So grab some popcorn, crank the AC, kick back, and laugh in the face of the sun!

The Thing (1982)
$.25 version: scientists discover an alien life form frozen in Antarctica. All hell breaks loose.
Why it scares us: The Thing tackles a number of our fears - isolation, fear of the dark, the monster is within us, good old body horror, etc.

$.25 version: writer takes family to mountain-top resort for the winter. All hell breaks loose.
Why it scares us: The Shining is both a haunted house story and a portrait of one man's descent into madness. 

$.25 version: a stranger wanders into a small town in Alaska where there is no sun for 30 days. All hell breaks loose.
Why it scares us: much like The Thing, 30 Days of Night plays on our fears of the dark and of complete and total isolation. It also turns our traditional, romantic notions of vampires on it's head.

$.25 version: an obscene caller terrorizes some sorority girls. Then he kills them.
Why it scares us: we like to wrap things up, rationalize them, and apply reasons to why bad things happen. That way we can understand them. Black Christmas never allows us this satisfaction, the killer remains forever motiveless.

$.25 version: man brings home adorable pet for son. All hell breaks loose.
Why it scares us: not necessarily the scariest movie but it does play on our fears of foreigners and their "strange customs". It's also a thinly veiled lesson on following the rules and behaving appropriately.  

$.25 version: shy little boy befriends strange little girl. Turns out, she's a very hungry little girl.
Why it scares us: we consider children sacred, when they turn out to be evil (demons, aliens, vampires, etc.) our world view is completely upended. Coupled with the notion that we have to kill them in order to survive ourselves, Let The Right One In paints the picture of a very bad day.

$.25 version: students vacationing in Norway stumble upon Nazi zombies. All hell breaks loose.
Why it scares us: dead is dead - when that no longer holds true, we're pushed to wonder what other universal truths no longer hold true. Does gravity still work?

$.25 version: serial killer turns into a snowman, continues killing. Not to be confused with the feel-good, Christmas comedy of the same name.
Why it scares us: it doesn't. But at least all your laughing is a great workout. 

$.25 version: a couple of hunters accidentally piss off a Wendigo. Hilarity ensues.
Why it scares us: it doesn't. This Troma film is one of the worst movies on Earth - and I love it! It's definitely a bit of an homage to Evil Dead, keep that in mind if you're brave enough to watch it. Also. Keep your ears perked up for one of the most hilarious soundtracks you'll ever hear on any movie. My final word on that: chili.

Wrap up time.
I know I've missed some 60's/70's greats featuring Yeti or other abominable snow beasts but I figure this list is enough to keep you amused for an afternoon or so.

If you've got any favorites that I may have missed, feel free to add them in the comments!  I love to hear what you cats think.


Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian

Pet Sematary

I learned a really interesting lesson the other night: no matter how many times you've seen a movie on a small screen, you haven't really seen it  until you've done so on the big screen. Thus begins my story of realization in which I discover Pet Sematary  (seemingly for the first time) and develop a theory that it might actually have been directed by David Lynch  (this last bit being hyperbole, of course–but I've got a strong case for it, so stick with me). Over the years, I've watched Pet Sematary a handful of times and while I know all the major plot points (and always remembered Denise Crosby  as being completely awful), I definitely feel like I've seen a completely different movie this time around. In case you're coming in late and don't know how the story goes, here's the $.25 of it: family moves into house positioned (oddly close) to an Indian burial ground. The neighbor is friendly (albeit creepy). The road they are on has absolutely  n