Altered: The Alien Abduction Revenge Movie

Typically, I want nothing to do with alien abduction movies. There's something about the obsessive paranoia and clear narcissism driving abductees that just, annoys me. They have some creepy blend of new age mysticism filtered through years of sexual repression or something.

Maybe I'm too practical to buy into evil alien invasion stories. I simply don't believe that there's some advanced species kicking around the galaxy with so little to do that they are busily scooping up humans and raping them. We're simply not that exciting.

And really. Seriously. Why would they want this planet out of every possible option out there. If I'm to believe that there are intelligent races out there, roaming through space, I also have to believe that there are planets far more interesting than our own. Our chunk of rock isn't really that impressive.

Tonight. I thought I'd try, again, to watch one and possibly - maybe - this time - learn to love abduction stories.

Here's what happened.

After browsing Netflix for a bit, I picked Altered (2006). This direct to video gem is like the bastard child of I Spit On Your Grave & Fire In The Sky; a group of redneck hillbillies go on a hunting spree to get revenge on the aliens who abducted and tortured them.

Now, if that's not the set up for a bad joke, I'm not sure what is.

While not outright horrible, Altered is, somewhat uneven; there are some quality effects but, on the other hand, there was apparently a sale on rubber alien suits in late 2000 because they feature heavily in the movie. The dialog is occasionally juvenile, unintentionally hilarious, and then deadly serious and completely on target. The characters are marginally sympathetic but sometimes ridiculous, poorly acted caricatures.

The director Eduardo Sanchez (pardon my lack of "special characters!) is likely best known as, "the guy who directed The Blair Witch Project." but don't let that sour you. There's something kind of engaging about his style; he may show too much sometimes but he definitely makes some strong choices in how he portrays human emotion, particularly panic. And hysteria. And actually has a degree of subtly when handling "uneasy" situations. I'll give him credit for his ability to build tension and create a feeling of distrust in his audiences.

I also appreciate that his movies do't have happy endings. It's hard to imagine any horror movie scenario that would leave the survivors with any semblance of normalcy, comfort, or a shot at "being okay" ever again.

Wrap up time.
If you want a gruesomely good time with lovable hillbilly fighting monsters, try Tucker & Dale VS. Evil. If you want terrifying aliens murdering the shit out of hapless humans, try Alien. If you want an acceptable evening with a tolerable movie, Altered might just fit the bill.

Special bonus tonight because I'm not 100% lazy: The Altered movie trailer

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

Escape From Tomorrow

I love creative people who are willing to take risks with their art. I appreciate the refusal to do things by the rules. I'm also terribly impatient with mediocrity. Enter Escape From Tomorrow . Created by a team of rogue filmmakers, the movie was shot in the video mode of high-end still cameras. Actors shared scripts and shooting locations across their smartphones. Shot on location at Disney World, the parks were completely unaware this was all going on right under their mouse ears. I wanted to love Escape From Tomorrow. More than that, I wanted to be completely taken with its ingenuity and creativity and - oh yes - its originality. And there is really a simple brilliance to their covert plan; all families are roaming around the parks, taking videos and chatting on their phones. Just blend the fuck in, act like you belong, and you won't get caught. Too bad the movie can be summed up as: ambitious but Rubbish. As you can imagine (or possibly know), there was a ton of con

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it. Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you! I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. ( How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment! ) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually

i'm kael's ghost

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