Children are kind of mysterious as it is - they aren't quite human in the way that adults are. They are outside of society's general rules - we say it's because they 'don't understand' or they 'lack experience' or any of those things but what if they really did understand and they were simply plotting something terrible? We'd never know.
They also have this tiny stature that makes them seem less threatening. They really lull us into a sense of security by being small and cute.
Little bastards.
Side note, my editor shared this hilarious blog post with me. I'm clearly not the only one who thinks children have evil intentions.
Side note, my editor shared this hilarious blog post with me. I'm clearly not the only one who thinks children have evil intentions.
So yeah, evil kids creep me out.
That doesn't stop me from watching a wealth of evil kid movies.
My all time favorite will always be The Omen (1976). I love the movie overall and Damien is absolutely terrifying. Followed directly by Rosemary's Baby. Looking at that, you might think I have a fear of demon babies but, let's be honest, regardless of the devil, those are both amazing films.
I'll also admit to having a weird soft spot in my heart for Children of the Corn - despite the fact that it's a terrible 80's movie.
Not every evil child movie is great.
Think about The Good Son - a weird 90's attempt to create a child actor duo like the Coreys out of Mccauly Culkin and Elijah Wood. FAIL.
Or more recently, I'm Not Jesus Mommy, which started out about some woman stealing a genetically altered embryo to impregnate herself with and turned into a post apocalyptic nightmare tenuously implying that her child is the antichrist or something. It's never made very clear. Or I wasn't paying attention. Could be either. Or both. Probably both.
So tonight's movie (The Devil Within Her) had such an amazing description I couldn't resist watching it - even though I knew that it would be bad.
I hope you're laughing as you read that because it'll never stop being funny to me.
No one ever bothers to explain how the dwarf was able to curse the stripper but, he does and the baby goes on to maul everyone foolish enough to get within its tiny reach.
And if that wasn't enough, then they try to perform numerous exorcisms on said baby, to no avail. So perhaps he's not possessed by a demon? No explanation given? Alright then.
Possibly the most disturbing part of the entire movie is the opening birth sequence that could double as the opening to a porn flick. I've never heard a more orgasmic birth. If every woman enjoyed herself that much during birth, they'd be begging to have babies.
Gross.
You can watch the trailer here:
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