Skip to main content

Evil Children And The Devil Within Her

All horror fans have some genre element or subgenre that really freaks them out regardless of how diehard they are. For me, it's evil children. I know that sounds like a weird choice, but hear me out.

Children are kind of mysterious as it is - they aren't quite human in the way that adults are. They are outside of society's general rules - we say it's because they 'don't understand' or they 'lack experience' or any of those things but what if they really did understand and they were simply plotting something terrible? We'd never know.

They also have this tiny stature that makes them seem less threatening. They really lull us into a sense of security by being small and cute.

Little bastards.

Side note, my editor shared this hilarious blog post with me. I'm clearly not the only one who thinks children have evil intentions.

So yeah, evil kids creep me out. 
That doesn't stop me from watching a wealth of evil kid movies.

My all time favorite will always be The Omen (1976). I love the movie overall and Damien is absolutely terrifying. Followed directly by Rosemary's Baby. Looking at that, you might think I have a fear of demon babies but, let's be honest, regardless of the devil, those are both amazing films.

I'll also admit to having a weird soft spot in my heart for Children of the Corn - despite the fact that it's a terrible 80's movie. 

Not every evil child movie is great.
Think about The Good Son - a weird 90's attempt to create a child actor duo like the Coreys out of Mccauly Culkin and Elijah Wood. FAIL.

Or more recently, I'm Not Jesus Mommy, which started out about some woman stealing a genetically altered embryo to impregnate herself with and turned into a post apocalyptic nightmare tenuously implying that her child is the antichrist or something. It's never made very clear. Or I wasn't paying attention. Could be either. Or both. Probably both.

So tonight's movie (The Devil Within Her) had such an amazing description I couldn't resist watching it - even though I knew that it would be bad.

"A stripper spurns the advances of a lecherous dwarf who them curses her to give birth to a monstrous baby."

I hope you're laughing as you read that because it'll never stop being funny to me.

No one ever bothers to explain how the dwarf was able to curse the stripper but, he does and the baby goes on to maul everyone foolish enough to get within its tiny reach.

And if that wasn't enough, then they try to perform numerous exorcisms on said baby, to no avail. So perhaps he's not possessed by a demon? No explanation given? Alright then.

Possibly the most disturbing part of the entire movie is the opening birth sequence that could double as the opening to a porn flick. I've never heard a more orgasmic birth. If every woman enjoyed herself that much during birth, they'd be begging to have babies.

Gross.

You can watch the trailer here:

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

Escape From Tomorrow

I love creative people who are willing to take risks with their art. I appreciate the refusal to do things by the rules. I'm also terribly impatient with mediocrity. Enter  Escape From Tomorrow . Created by a team of rogue filmmakers, the movie was shot in the video mode of high-end still cameras. Actors shared scripts and shooting locations across their smartphones. Shot on location at Disney World, the parks were completely unaware this was all going on right under their mouse ears. I wanted to love Escape From Tomorrow. More than that, I wanted to be completely taken with its ingenuity and creativity and - oh yes - its originality. And there is really a simple brilliance to their covert plan; all families are roaming around the parks, taking videos and chatting on their phones. Just blend the fuck in, act like you belong, and you won't get caught. Too bad the movie can be summed up as: ambitious but Rubbish. As you can imagine (or possibly know), there was a ton of con

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it. Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you! I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. ( How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment! ) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually