Skip to main content

Breaking The Girls

Are you sad that you've been stuck jerking off to Wild Things for over 15 years? Crushed that Jennifer's Body only had limited teenage lesbian sex? Disappointed by Natalie Portman's masturbation scene in Black Swan? Can't go on without an updated version of Jawbreaker? Looking to relive the thrill of Cruel Intentions? Wishing someone would bring back Malice? Desperately seeking a teenage version of Strangers on a Train?

DON'T WORRY! 
Look no further! I've found the movie you've been dreaming of.
Allow me to introduce you to the 2013 'masterpiece' that is Breaking The Girls.

If you haven't been able to glean the gist of this thriller based on all the movie titles I've shouted out, you're slow, and here's the $.25 version for you: a couple of unlikely female friends talk about killing each other's enemies. It's all fun and pillow talk until someone ends up dead.

There are only so many twists a story like this can have and they've all been done before. If you're expecting to be surprised in the end, you won't be. The good girl? Turns out she's behind it all. Heard that before? You probably watched Wild Things or Malice in the 90's.

If you're expecting funds for the spank bank thought, you'll be happy enough with what Breaking The Girls has to offer. Particularly if you're a Californication fan just waiting around for Madeline Zima to reprise the role of Mia. (With a splash of Jennifer Jason Leigh's Hedy).

...what else is there to write?


Be titillated by the Breaking The Girls trailer here:

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dark Ride (2006)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned. I remember a time when horror was still a relatively underground genre and fans slunk around in the shadows, keeping their fandom to themselves for fear of judgement. Now, it seems everyone and their mother is a horror fan and has something to say about the genre - for better or worse. While this does mean horror movies (and related goodies) are easier for long-time genre fans to get their hands on, it also means an over-saturation of the market (leading to an excess of crap.) It also means tons of great opportunities (like festivals and conventions) have cropped up all over the place.  The After Dark Horrorfest (or "8 Films to Die For") was at the forefront of the horror festival circuit and offered directors (and audiences alike) a terrific venue for checkin out new, original horror films. Pros and cons aside, I've often avoided the movies coming out of this festival - not because of the hype and ...

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian...

Stage Fright 2014

Stage Fright  is a visual cacophony of mismatched genre images. It's an immensely underwhelming  directorial debut that reads more like a film school project than an actual feature length film. The Gist: Theatre geeks go away to summer camp to sing their hearts out where no one can make fun of them. They attempt to produce something that looks a lot like The Phantom of the Opera and ends just as well for everyone involved. Knowing they are riffing on Phantom of the Opera doesn't make it feel any less like they are really riffing on Scream  or Scary Movie . Capitalizing on the popularity of shitty TV like Glee and the  endless  slew of High School Musical movies, there is very little to take seriously in this movie due to their immature production. I assumed, just by the production values, that it was an independent thing. I kept being thrown by it having a sort of (washed up) famous cast including  Mini Driver . I was surprised to see her in...