Skip to main content

Dark Ride (2006)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned.

I remember a time when horror was still a relatively underground genre and fans slunk around in the shadows, keeping their fandom to themselves for fear of judgement. Now, it seems everyone and their mother is a horror fan and has something to say about the genre - for better or worse. While this does mean horror movies (and related goodies) are easier for long-time genre fans to get their hands on, it also means an over-saturation of the market (leading to an excess of crap.) It also means tons of great opportunities (like festivals and conventions) have cropped up all over the place. 

The After Dark Horrorfest (or "8 Films to Die For") was at the forefront of the horror festival circuit and offered directors (and audiences alike) a terrific venue for checkin out new, original horror films. Pros and cons aside, I've often avoided the movies coming out of this festival - not because of the hype and the ever-increasing mainstream popularity of horror - but because I greatly dislike independent films. Which you definitely know if you're a regular reader of mine. I like creativity. I love innovation. I also like great production values, good writing, and convincing acting. You can see my hang ups in the indie world. 

In an uncharacteristically weak moment, I opted to watch Dark Ride, which was part of the very first 8 Films festival. I can write, unequivocally, that watching this movie served only to fuel my dislike of the indie film world.

The story reads like it was written by a bunch of film-school kids (of which I was one in the past - so I totally understand.) Two girls go to a haunted house and are murdered inside. Flash forward a decade to meet our protagonists (a group of college friends, filling all stereotypical roles) who decide to take a road trip and end up visiting a haunted house. THE SAME HAUNTED HOUSE THAT THE GIRLS WERE MURDERED IN! Queue the dramatic music. The group wanders around, lost in the attraction, slowly being killed off by some mysterious killer. Queue the dramatic reveal... turns out that one of the boys in the group is the killer (and his brother the killer 10 years before him!) SURPRISE! One of the girls survives. The movie ends. Fade to black.

Aside from the awful plot and terrible acting, the thing that struck me the most was that Dark Ride has some of the worst dubbing ever seen (outside of a Spaghetti Western.) Holy crap. It seems sort of funny that I just recently watched this piece of crap movie as I also just watched The Houses October Built, which has a similar (or sort of related) plot and equally terrible acting. More on that later

I'm sad that people keep missing the mark with these haunted / scary carnival movies. If you look back in the history of the genre, there's some terrific offerings in this realm: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (in which a girl is terrorized by an evil carnival owner), Carnival of Souls (in which a dead girl wrestles with being dead), and Freaks (in which "normal folks" prove, yet again, to be more monstrous than "abnormal folks") just to name a few.

There's so much opportunity here to play with deeper stories; exploring humanity, examining how we understand sacred spaces, the idea of ritual, and the importance of "play" vs the importance of rites of passage. Just look at Carnivale (granted it was made for TV and so had more actual on-screen time to flesh out plot lines and story arcs) but they grabbed a handful of existential plots right by the horns and ran with digging into them. Unfortunately, for every great story we get, we get multiple things like Funhouse (1981), which is a fun movie but a vapid movie.

If you don't believe me - you can read some other reviews of Dark Ride here:
Read what Bloody Disgusting had to say (it's certainly not any kinder than my take).
Or try and find the merit that Michael Saunier found for besthorrormovies.com.


You could watch the Dark Ride trailer here or you could spare yourself the pain and suffering and gouge your eyes out with spoons instead. Your call.


Really, truly a glutton for punishment? You can purchase a copy of Dark Ride for yourself here:

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement...

Escape From Tomorrow

I love creative people who are willing to take risks with their art. I appreciate the refusal to do things by the rules. I'm also terribly impatient with mediocrity. Enter  Escape From Tomorrow . Created by a team of rogue filmmakers, the movie was shot in the video mode of high-end still cameras. Actors shared scripts and shooting locations across their smartphones. Shot on location at Disney World, the parks were completely unaware this was all going on right under their mouse ears. I wanted to love Escape From Tomorrow. More than that, I wanted to be completely taken with its ingenuity and creativity and - oh yes - its originality. And there is really a simple brilliance to their covert plan; all families are roaming around the parks, taking videos and chatting on their phones. Just blend the fuck in, act like you belong, and you won't get caught. Too bad the movie can be summed up as: ambitious but Rubbish. As you can imagine (or possibly know), there was a ton of con...

Mother!

Alright friends and readers–this one is probably doubly filled with typos and grammar errors because I wrote it while angry. Good luck and happy reading. There are unpopular opinions in every realm. As a film student, you can truly strike a nerve when you say things like, "I fucking hate the self-indulgence of independent films and the way people idolize them." Or, you know, "Low lighting and slow pacing does not a good movie make." Or whatever. You can of course, objectively, understand how this happens. When you are creating art–when you are outside the system  so to speak–you are free to explore things (subjects, techniques, etc.) that may need to be addressed and that freedom can become intoxicating and go to one's head. While it may seem only right  or only fair  to respect and accept each creative endeavor that every artist undertakes, it is unreasonable to believe that the world will remain forever patient with the self-obsession artists have. Th...