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I Love The 80's, The Movie Edition (Otherwise Known As, "My Review of Super 8".)

Kids like me were born of the 50's. Our baby-boomer parents were among the first to have televisions in their homes, they cowered beneath their desks during air-raid drills, and later, bore witness to a televised war that severely divided our nation. Is it a wonder then, that the horror and scifi they watched had central themes of, "us VS them", "can we trust our government?" and "technology going terribly awry"?  Or that the horror films they created were filled with themes of, "we have turned into them"?  (More detailed horror timeline in my previous blog .) Our parents had passion.  They protested what they thought was wrong.  They fought against a system of authority that made life choices for them that ended terribly for many.  They knew what "children" were capable of. This is why, in the late 70's and early 80's, when the baby boomers started to have their own children, we began to see films with strong, i...

Phrases I Never Want To Hear Or See Again In Horror Reviews:

I hate reading horror movie reviews because the majority of folks reviewing them are, um, functionally retarded.  Or may never have seen another horror movie in their entire lives ! Here's my list of terminology that I want to see banned from reviewing: 1. "Scary as Hell." Obvious first complaint - it's just never true.  If some idiot reviewer could think of nothing better to say than, "scary as hell", you know the movie sucked and they only watched the trailer for it. My secondary complaint here - I'm not so convinced that Hell is actually a scary place. (More on this another time.) 2. "Ratcheting up the Tension." If you need to tell me on the box, or in the first 140 characters of your review that the movie is filled with tension, it's not. And if it were, well, you just relieved it for me. Thanks. 3. "The Most Shocking Movie Ending of All Time." All time?  Really?  Do me a favor, okay, go watch some more movies...

It's All About The Benjamins: My Less Than Nerdy Feelings On XMen

Here goes my nerd street cred, right out the proverbial window. Having now seen " Thor " twice, I figured I may as well venture out and see more Marvel creations: So I've just returned home from "X Men: First Class".  And while you might think I'm about to go on and on about story lines or maintaining the integrity of well-loved comic characters, I'm actually more interested in the business side of things. In the past, comic movies were sort of a joke.  A big joke.  Not so much "comic-y" as just goofy, inane, and harmlessly juvenile - these big screen adaptations were (honestly) a poor representation of a maligned media.  The upper echelon has loved to hate comics (graphic novels and whatnot) since their inception.  A sad fact as comics have often tackled some very serious social issues, often in very dark, very intense, very adult ways.  Luckily, for us nerdy children, comics have finally broken into a more respected position and subseq...

Tourture Is Not Enough or How Martyrs Left Me Wanting More

Spoiler Alert: I'm about to write things that you probably don't want to read.  Also, I'm going to give away a number of plot points to "Martyrs". I love " Rue Morgue ". It's - quite literally - the only magazine that I read. For the past few years, when asked by my mother what I want for my birthday, I can only respond, "renew my subscription to 'Rue Morgue'." And she does. God bless that woman! Luckily for me, I've fallen in love with a man who, although not so much as myself, loves horror.  When RM arrives, I dive into it immediately. Once I've made my way through it, I'm magnanimous enough to let him read it. Recently, he's been combing the movie reviews and renting the movies he reads about. Thanks to this new found hobby, we have seen some real gems. A few days ago, while hiding out from tornadoes, we sat down to watch " Martyrs ". Not 100% convinced that I would be wowed (being as jaded ...

A Note About Sucker Punch OR "Perhaps I Am Too Old To Go To The Movies."

Unquestionably, Zach Snyder is a nerd. A big, comic-reading, video-game-playing, role-playing, fantasy-loving, nerd. How else could he continue directing the special-effects ridden movies that drag the gamers in from their parent's basements? " 300 "? A win. " Watchmen "? A win, albeit one that managed to alienate some older nerds (more on this topic as I go.) Unfortunately, " Sucker Punch " felt like 126 minutes of disjointed hodgepodged failure; a mixture of every sci-fi, fantasy, action movie to come out of the past 40-some-odd-years of film-making with a heavy sprinkling of video games, anime, and a smidge of " Riot Girl " meets " Grind House " culture tossed in for, um... good measure? For a few moments, I thought I was watching " Caged Heat " or some other WiP movie. Zach's biggest saving grace? That he's made enough of a name for himself, and had enough box office success, that he's backed by ...

Horror Film Lessons Learned

If strange things begin happening around your house and your child claims that their doll did it - believe them! There are a few options for you: - make friends with said doll - destroy said doll - give said doll to your enemies 12/18/2007

Dear Black Christmas, these are the reasons that I love you:

Black Christmas  is typically considered one of the great "slasher films" but, I find it to be a little more subtle that your typical slasher flick. Not surprisingly, some jackass remade this 70's horror masterpiece. Also not surprisingly, I've never watched said remake. You all know how I feel about remakes . Another thing that won't surprise anyone is that I love the original Black Christmas - and here's a few reasons why: (warning - spoilers ahead!) The horror is right under everyone's nose. From the very first moments of the film, the killer is already inside the sorority house (where the bulk of the film takes place).  The first murder takes place very early in the movie.  For the remainder of the film, the bodies of the victims that are desperately being searched for are also in the house. The horror within - "the enemy is us" - these concepts are quintessentially 1970's. "Black Christmas" warns us to stop looking ...