Skip to main content

I Watch Movies Therefore I Get Mad - OR - I Hated The Mist

Seriously.

I'd like a refund on the last 2 hours of my life.
Yeah.
They were pretty much wasted.

Okay.
They were totally wasted.

On what, you ask?

The Mist.

Look - I've known this whole time, since the movie came out, that it would be... um... crap. And now that I've subjected myself to it, I can definitively say, 'that movie was crap'.

Know what annoys me?

On the cover, there's this blurb that reads, 'A masterpiece. One of the most shocking movie endings ever.' (or something to that effect).

What?

The person who wrote that is either
A: retarded
B: sheltered
C: retarded
D: fucking retarded

Unless by 'shocking' he means 'completely predictable', 'totally cliched', and 'mind-numbingly obvious'.

Then yes.
It was 'shocking'.

And please, don't any of you try to sway me by arguing that, 'the book was really good' because:
A: I highly doubt it.
B: I don't give a crap because I'm talking about the fucking movie.

Here's the deal:
The cinematography sucked.
The directing sucked.
The acting was... mostly pathetic.
The writing was heinous.

Please... do yourself a favor and don't watch this movie... unless you want to be forced to gouge out your eyes with rusty spoons as I was.

And while I'm on the subject.
Don't bother with 1408 either. (Another movie, might I add, that I knew would be fucking horrendous when it came out.)

In fact, if the story was written by Stephen King within the past... oh.... 10 years - skip it. It's not worth the air you breathe.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian

Pet Sematary

I learned a really interesting lesson the other night: no matter how many times you've seen a movie on a small screen, you haven't really seen it  until you've done so on the big screen. Thus begins my story of realization in which I discover Pet Sematary  (seemingly for the first time) and develop a theory that it might actually have been directed by David Lynch  (this last bit being hyperbole, of course–but I've got a strong case for it, so stick with me). Over the years, I've watched Pet Sematary a handful of times and while I know all the major plot points (and always remembered Denise Crosby  as being completely awful), I definitely feel like I've seen a completely different movie this time around. In case you're coming in late and don't know how the story goes, here's the $.25 of it: family moves into house positioned (oddly close) to an Indian burial ground. The neighbor is friendly (albeit creepy). The road they are on has absolutely  n