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Showing posts from March, 2015

The Sleeping Car

"Move over Freddy. Move over Jason. Here comes The Mister."

The cult of the 80's is strong. People often wax nostalgic over glorious 80's cinema with its practical effects and over-the-top stories. And it's true - it WAS a glorious time for horror AND comedy AND action movies - genres you often found romping playfully together at that time.

BUT! This pro 80's nostalgia conveniently forgets the failures. If getting the formula for a great comedy is hard - balancing the elements to make a GREAT horror comedy is virtually impossible; this means there is potential to make BOTH a bad horror movie AND a bad comedy AND a bad movie overall.

Enter tonight's train wreck (oh the puns!): The Sleeping Car - not technically an 80's movie (having been made in 1990) but it's aesthetics are close enough to let it pass. And it was made by VidMark - any 80's horror fan knows that VidMark is like a beautiful seal of mediocrity in the VHS world.

Here's the par…

Under The Skin

A few months back, I wrote a bit about the resurgence of art-house sci-fi and horror while reviewing Here Comes The Devil. Today we dive back in, head first, with Under The Skin.

From my (admittedly) limited internet research, I gathered that this movie is (loosely) based on a book, which I find interesting - by "loosely" I can only imagine they mean that the two share a name because there is nothing about this movie that lends itself to readability. And I say that having read some esoteric sci-fi novels in my day.

To be a bit flippant here - I wrestled with this movie not being French; NO ONE makes a slow, enigmatic, bizarre, incomprehensible art film like the French.

I'd love to segue into the plot from here however, there isn't so much a "plot" to this movie as there are a collection of images, scenes, and character interactions.

A man on a motorcycle goes into the woods and comes out carrying the body of a woman. Cut to an all white room. The woman lie…

Killer Mermaid

If you were to divide fiction down traditional lines, I would fall to the sci-fi side 90% of the time; I’m not really a fantasy fan. When I do dabble in fantasy, I appreciate interesting creatures and non-traditional treatments of character types with backstories we think we already know. To that end, I’ll write now (with a straight face) that there aren’t enough killer mermaid stories out there anymore; Somehow, over the years, they have been reimagined as these Disney princesses of the sea instead of the malicious predators previous generations saw them as. I will say this: aside from featuring a “fantasy creature,” there wasn’t a lot about this one to make it a “fantasy movie” - thankfully.

It actually reminded me of watching a European horror flick from the 60’s - completely loaded with some of the most unbelievably lovely women you can imagine. I’m pretty sure they just build women better in European countries. I mean, even the mermaid with her slimy tail and creepy fish mouth ful…

The Ouija Experiment

After the completely predictable failure of Battleship, someone still thought, "Hey! Let's make another movie based on a board game!" Enter Ouija. Unsurprisingly, this movie was also a flop. This financial failure was not great enough to keep some idiots from banging out a cheap, imitation they hoped would ride Ouija's coattails to success. Yet another brilliant idea. Or not. This brings us to my most recent wasted night on the couch with The Ouija Experiment.

Here's the gist:
For an unknown reason, a film student from NYC goes to Dallas with an Asian girl (who may be an escort or a hooker or a porn star) to film a "mysterious" event she won't tell him anything about. There's no explanation for how these two met and no obvious reason he'd want to film said event. Turns out, she's not an escort and the "event" she's taking him to is a "surprise" the boyfriend's best friend has set up. We will come to find out t…