The Ouija Experiment

After the completely predictable failure of Battleship, someone still thought, "Hey! Let's make another movie based on a board game!" Enter Ouija. Unsurprisingly, this movie was also a flop. This financial failure was not great enough to keep some idiots from banging out a cheap, imitation they hoped would ride Ouija's coattails to success. Yet another brilliant idea. Or not. This brings us to my most recent wasted night on the couch with The Ouija Experiment.

Here's the gist:
For an unknown reason, a film student from NYC goes to Dallas with an Asian girl (who may be an escort or a hooker or a porn star) to film a "mysterious" event she won't tell him anything about. There's no explanation for how these two met and no obvious reason he'd want to film said event. Turns out, she's not an escort and the "event" she's taking him to is a "surprise" the boyfriend's best friend has set up. We will come to find out that even she doesn't know what the event is, making it even more unclear why this filmmaker is interested in traveling a few thousand miles to film it. The group decides to use a ouija board and eventually "let's out" some evil spirits. Thankfully, people die.

The Ouija Experiment is ludicrously bad; definitely some of the worst acting I've ever seen on top of some of the worst writing in the history of the world. Give you an example? Alright. The characters in the movie are supposed to be best friends with a long history, when someone tells one of them that the whole central "mystery" of the movie is tied to a specific street address, she doesn't realize it's her friend's home address.

I may be getting soft in my old age but, I don't even have enough hate in my heart to write anything else nasty about this worthless movie.

Sit through The Ouija Experiment trailer here and save yourself the immense suffering of watching the actual movie:

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Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible.

Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so.

I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response.

Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing, you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here.

Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement:
"Hor…

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household.

But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important.

My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me.

For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things.

Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarians and slay…

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark - Another Lesson in Not Letting Homeownership Drive You Mad

There's a great history of horror films with "don't" in their titles
Don't Go In the Woods (1981)Don't Go In The House (1980)Don't Look In The Basement (1973)Don't Answer The Phone (1980)Don't Open The Door (1975)Don't Open The Window (1974)Don't Go Near The Park (1981)Etc. These titles suggest horror audiences aren't bright enough to realize the movies they are watching are warnings (premarital sex will make masked slashers target you, mess with nature and you'll end up with an uncontrollable monster, play your heavy metal records backwards and demons will come out of your lawn, etc.) But they also offer sound advise within the context of each film; not following these warnings will get you killed.

Then there's Don't Be Afraid of The Dark, where the oposite seems to be true. The title doesn't actually read as a warning, although the warning is implied there. It actually reads as a wheedling ploy by whatever creature is…

i'm kael's ghost

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