The Ouija Experiment

After the completely predictable failure of Battleship, someone still thought, "Hey! Let's make another movie based on a board game!" Enter Ouija. Unsurprisingly, this movie was also a flop. This financial failure was not great enough to keep some idiots from banging out a cheap, imitation they hoped would ride Ouija's coattails to success. Yet another brilliant idea. Or not. This brings us to my most recent wasted night on the couch with The Ouija Experiment.

Here's the gist:
For an unknown reason, a film student from NYC goes to Dallas with an Asian girl (who may be an escort or a hooker or a porn star) to film a "mysterious" event she won't tell him anything about. There's no explanation for how these two met and no obvious reason he'd want to film said event. Turns out, she's not an escort and the "event" she's taking him to is a "surprise" the boyfriend's best friend has set up. We will come to find out that even she doesn't know what the event is, making it even more unclear why this filmmaker is interested in traveling a few thousand miles to film it. The group decides to use a ouija board and eventually "let's out" some evil spirits. Thankfully, people die.

The Ouija Experiment is ludicrously bad; definitely some of the worst acting I've ever seen on top of some of the worst writing in the history of the world. Give you an example? Alright. The characters in the movie are supposed to be best friends with a long history, when someone tells one of them that the whole central "mystery" of the movie is tied to a specific street address, she doesn't realize it's her friend's home address.

I may be getting soft in my old age but, I don't even have enough hate in my heart to write anything else nasty about this worthless movie.

Sit through The Ouija Experiment trailer here and save yourself the immense suffering of watching the actual movie:

Comments

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it.

Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you!

I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. (How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment!) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually be lo…

The Babadook

Spoilers and typos! Enjoy.

We often look back nostalgically on childhood, envious of the joy we felt and the boundless imaginations we possessed. How conveniently we forget the other side of that coin: as children, we experience a depth of terror our adult selves continually try to recreate for cathartic entertainment.

When we try to bring those childhood fears to life on the screen, we often end up with movies about "things that go bump in the night," which is a somewhat superficial approach. While it does provide an opportunity for a supernatural experience, it ignores the root of our fear: the unknown. As children, we lack life experience. We lack nuance. We lack understanding. Not knowing creates in us fear. Yes, we fear what lurks in the darkness but we also fear the adult world because we do not understand how it works. The Babadook works to exploit both those fears.

The short story: a widowed mother of a young boy experiences a mental breakdown and tries to murder he…

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible.

Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so.

I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response.

Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing, you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here.

Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement:
"Hor…

i'm kael's ghost

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