The Ouija Experiment

After the completely predictable failure of Battleship, someone still thought, "Hey! Let's make another movie based on a board game!" Enter Ouija. Unsurprisingly, this movie was also a flop. This financial failure was not great enough to keep some idiots from banging out a cheap, imitation they hoped would ride Ouija's coattails to success. Yet another brilliant idea. Or not. This brings us to my most recent wasted night on the couch with The Ouija Experiment.

Here's the gist:
For an unknown reason, a film student from NYC goes to Dallas with an Asian girl (who may be an escort or a hooker or a porn star) to film a "mysterious" event she won't tell him anything about. There's no explanation for how these two met and no obvious reason he'd want to film said event. Turns out, she's not an escort and the "event" she's taking him to is a "surprise" the boyfriend's best friend has set up. We will come to find out that even she doesn't know what the event is, making it even more unclear why this filmmaker is interested in traveling a few thousand miles to film it. The group decides to use a ouija board and eventually "let's out" some evil spirits. Thankfully, people die.

The Ouija Experiment is ludicrously bad; definitely some of the worst acting I've ever seen on top of some of the worst writing in the history of the world. Give you an example? Alright. The characters in the movie are supposed to be best friends with a long history, when someone tells one of them that the whole central "mystery" of the movie is tied to a specific street address, she doesn't realize it's her friend's home address.

I may be getting soft in my old age but, I don't even have enough hate in my heart to write anything else nasty about this worthless movie.

Sit through The Ouija Experiment trailer here and save yourself the immense suffering of watching the actual movie:

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Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible.

Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so.

I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response.

Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing, you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here.

Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement:
"Hor…

But The Flesh Is Weak: Cronenberg's Body Horrors

Body horror; something that effects each one of us as we are made of squishy, fallible, and finite flesh. Tackled many times in many ways throughout the years, body horror will stick with us until we finally learn to lose these weak, human bodies and begin existing in some other form.

There are many lenses through which to view body horror, lets talk about a few quickly before talking about some specific films in this genre.

Science and Technology
We depend on technology, especially in regards to our flimsy, fleshy bodies. Hip replacements, new hearts, brain surgery, iron lungs, cheek implants, etc. We have limited abilities and a limited lifespan, so we lean on technology to increase both. But what happens when we take that melding of mechanical and organic too far? Horror and scifi have taught us that going too far can lead to frighteningly devastating consequences and monstrous creations. (Species, Robocop, Frankenstein, etc.)

Gender
Much of body horror is related to or revolves arou…

Pet Sematary

I learned a really interesting lesson the other night: no matter how many times you've seen a movie on a small screen, you haven't really seen it until you've done so on the big screen. Thus begins my story of realization in which I discover Pet Sematary (seemingly for the first time) and develop a theory that it might actually have been directed by David Lynch (this last bit being hyperbole, of course–but I've got a strong case for it, so stick with me).

Over the years, I've watched Pet Sematary a handful of times and while I know all the major plot points (and always remembered Denise Crosby as being completely awful), I definitely feel like I've seen a completely different movie this time around.

In case you're coming in late and don't know how the story goes, here's the $.25 of it: family moves into house positioned (oddly close) to an Indian burial ground. The neighbor is friendly (albeit creepy). The road they are on has absolutely no regular…

i'm kael's ghost

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