Phrases I Never Want To Hear Or See Again In Horror Reviews:

I hate reading horror movie reviews because the majority of folks reviewing them are, um, functionally retarded. Or may never have seen another horror movie in their entire lives!

Here's my list of terminology that I want to see banned from reviewing:

1. "Scary as Hell."
Obvious first complaint - it's just never true. If some idiot reviewer could think of nothing better to say than, "scary as hell", you know the movie sucked and they only watched the trailer for it.

My secondary complaint here - I'm not so convinced that Hell is actually a scary place.
(More on this another time.)

2. "Ratcheting up the Tension."
If you need to tell me on the box, or in the first 140 characters of your review that the movie is filled with tension, it's not.

And if it were, well, you just relieved it for me.
Thanks.

3. "The Most Shocking Movie Ending of All Time."
All time? Really? Do me a favor, okay, go watch some more movies. Particularly some made in another country because really, if it was made here in the good ole US of A, it's bullshit and predictable.

If you didn't see that ending coming, you haven't watched enough movies and have no business reviewing them.

Also, lay off the absolute(s), okay?

Comments

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it.

Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you!

I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. (How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment!) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually be lo…

The Babadook

Spoilers and typos! Enjoy.

We often look back nostalgically on childhood, envious of the joy we felt and the boundless imaginations we possessed. How conveniently we forget the other side of that coin: as children, we experience a depth of terror our adult selves continually try to recreate for cathartic entertainment.

When we try to bring those childhood fears to life on the screen, we often end up with movies about "things that go bump in the night," which is a somewhat superficial approach. While it does provide an opportunity for a supernatural experience, it ignores the root of our fear: the unknown. As children, we lack life experience. We lack nuance. We lack understanding. Not knowing creates in us fear. Yes, we fear what lurks in the darkness but we also fear the adult world because we do not understand how it works. The Babadook works to exploit both those fears.

The short story: a widowed mother of a young boy experiences a mental breakdown and tries to murder he…

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible.

Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so.

I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response.

Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing, you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here.

Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement:
"Hor…

i'm kael's ghost

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