I Turned It Off: Black Forest

Because I am the most diligent of movie bloggers, I subject myself to a wealth of movies that literally no other human on Earth would (or should) subject themselves to.

This past weekend I actually found myself in a most unusual situation: I started two movies that were so bad I turned them off before finishing them.
And I sat through Room 237!

When I can't make it through a movie, you know it's bad.
Really, really bad.

I'd love to write a warning about each so that you, my devoted readers, don't accidentally waste your time on them but they were so bad that I can only remember one of them.

Well, part of a warning is better than no warning, right? Man oh man is that bad horror film logic!

Black Forest

The $.25 Version: Made for / by the SyFy Channel, which I didn't know before I tried to watch it. You've got to have some trepidation about a movie that is genre classified as mystery & suspense, horror, sci-fi, and fantasy. Talk about not knowing what you want to be.

I've read the plot description and I made it through 25 minutes of the movie and I still can't tell you what the hell it's about. I think there is something about witches or aliens or Paganism or cults or maybe all of those things. And the plot was structured something like Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2, or maybe Hostel where you have some unsuspecting group of people going somewhere and something bad happens to them.

...oh. That could be pretty much any horror movie.
Right.

You can watch a clip of this oh so amazing movie here:

Wait, someone liked this movie?!

Comments

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

Mother!

Alright friends and readers–this one is probably doubly filled with typos and grammar errors because I wrote it while angry. Good luck and happy reading. There are unpopular opinions in every realm. As a film student, you can truly strike a nerve when you say things like, "I fucking hate the self-indulgence of independent films and the way people idolize them." Or, you know, "Low lighting and slow pacing does not a good movie make." Or whatever. You can of course, objectively, understand how this happens. When you are creating art–when you are outside the system so to speak–you are free to explore things (subjects, techniques, etc.) that may need to be addressed and that freedom can become intoxicating and go to one's head. While it may seem only right or only fair to respect and accept each creative endeavor that every artist undertakes, it is unreasonable to believe that the world will remain forever patient with the self-obsession artists have. Th

Oxford Murders

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned. When I added The Oxford Murders to my list, I couldn’t remember if I’d seen it already or not. Then I realized that the cover does look somewhat like The Skulls (which I DO KNOW I’ve seen). Writing that here probably makes me sound like an ass because the version of the cover I grabbed for this post VERY CLEARLY does not look like The Skulls cover - so you'll just have to trust me on this one. Okay - on to a review. The basics go like this: An American student (played by Elija Wood - we'll come back to this in a moment) moves to England to study under a famous mathematician (played by the AMAZING John Hurt ). This plan goes slightly awry when he realizes the home he's staying in is hiding a dysfunctional family situation that soon turns into a murder. It seems the murder is just the first in a string of serial killings. He and the mathematician become entangled in an attempt to solve the murder. Des

i'm kael's ghost

Search This Blog