Evil Children And The Devil Within Her

All horror fans have some genre element or subgenre that really freaks them out regardless of how diehard they are. For me, it's evil children. I know that sounds like a weird choice, but hear me out.

Children are kind of mysterious as it is - they aren't quite human in the way that adults are. They are outside of society's general rules - we say it's because they 'don't understand' or they 'lack experience' or any of those things but what if they really did understand and they were simply plotting something terrible? We'd never know.

They also have this tiny stature that makes them seem less threatening. They really lull us into a sense of security by being small and cute.

Little bastards.

Side note, my editor shared this hilarious blog post with me. I'm clearly not the only one who thinks children have evil intentions.

So yeah, evil kids creep me out.

That doesn't stop me from watching a wealth of evil kid movies.

My all time favorite will always be The Omen (1976). I love the movie overall and Damien is absolutely terrifying. Followed directly by Rosemary's Baby. Looking at that, you might think I have a fear of demon babies but, let's be honest, regardless of the devil, those are both amazing films.

I'll also admit to having a weird soft spot in my heart for Children of the Corn - despite the fact that it's a terrible 80's movie.

Not every evil child movie is great.

Think about The Good Son - a weird 90's attempt to create a child actor duo like the Coreys out of Mccauly Culkin and Elijah Wood. FAIL.

Or more recently, I'm Not Jesus Mommy, which started out about some woman stealing a genetically altered embryo to impregnate herself with and turned into a post apocalyptic nightmare tenuously implying that her child is the antichrist or something. It's never made very clear. Or I wasn't paying attention. Could be either. Or both. Probably both.

So tonight's movie (The Devil Within Her) had such an amazing description I couldn't resist watching it - even though I knew that it would be bad.

"A stripper spurns the advances of a lecherous dwarf who them curses her to give birth to a monstrous baby."

I hope you're laughing as you read that because it'll never stop being funny to me.

No one ever bothers to explain how the dwarf was able to curse the stripper but, he does and the baby goes on to maul everyone foolish enough to get within its tiny reach.

And if that wasn't enough, then they try to perform numerous exorcisms on said baby, to no avail. So perhaps he's not possessed by a demon? No explanation given? Alright then.

Possibly the most disturbing part of the entire movie is the opening birth sequence that could double as the opening to a porn flick. I've never heard a more orgasmic birth. If every woman enjoyed herself that much during birth, they'd be begging to have babies.

Gross.

You can watch the trailer here:

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian...

Dark Ride (2006)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned. I remember a time when horror was still a relatively underground genre and fans slunk around in the shadows, keeping their fandom to themselves for fear of judgement. Now, it seems everyone and their mother is a horror fan and has something to say about the genre - for better or worse. While this does mean horror movies (and related goodies) are easier for long-time genre fans to get their hands on, it also means an over-saturation of the market (leading to an excess of crap.) It also means tons of great opportunities (like festivals and conventions) have cropped up all over the place. The After Dark Horrorfest (or "8 Films to Die For") was at the forefront of the horror festival circuit and offered directors (and audiences alike) a terrific venue for checkin out new, original horror films. Pros and cons aside, I've often avoided the movies coming out of this festival - not because of the hype and ...

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it. Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you! I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. ( How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment! ) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually...

i'm kael's ghost

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