Skip to main content

They 2002

They falls in the category of, I nearly turned it off. What an ill-conceived, poorly scripted, terribly acted piece of crap.

The gist: A group of friends had childhood night terrors in which some kind of creatures tried to kill them. In their adult life, they find out that they were "marked" by these creatures who are now coming back for them. There is something about "alternate universes" or at least "a creature world that is invisible to humans but can be inhabited by humans".

Things may get confusing from here on out if I don't stop to mention that these creatures are called (you guessed it) THEY.

Where this story falls down: Why these four people and NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD?! This isn't really explained (or was unsatisfactorily explained).

Why do THEY bring people into their alternate monster universe to be killed when they can maul people in the regular human world? This seems inefficient at best. And like bad writing at worst.

Why is the "crazy guy" stupid? He tries to explain to one of his friends all the "signs that THEY are coming" which includes babies crying. Now. I get that to his friends this guy is supposed to sound nuts, BUT this is simply nuts. Babies cry for all kind of reasons BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO VERBAL SKILLS. Why didn't we go with a story like, dogs barking or something that COULD be attributed to "sensing something that humans can't see"?

If any of this sounds familiar it's because you've seen a horror movie before. And because Wes Craven was the executive producer.

Huge surprise coming up here - this movie BOMBED at the box office. Then, somehow it made it out on blu-ray as part of a "collection" with one of Wes Craven's personal failures, Cursed.

Wrap up: The world may actually be a better place without this movie.

You can watch the trailer here if you literally have NOTHING ELSE to waste your life on.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely  brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark - Another Lesson in Not Letting Homeownership Drive You Mad

There's a great history of horror films with "don't" in their titles Don't Go In the Woods  (1981) Don't Go In The House  (1980) Don't Look In The Basement  (1973) Don't Answer The Phone  (1980) Don't Open The Door  (1975) Don't Open The Window  (1974) Don't Go Near The Park  (1981) Etc. These titles suggest horror audiences aren't bright enough to realize the movies they are watching are warnings (premarital sex will make masked slashers target you, mess with nature and you'll end up with an uncontrollable monster, play your heavy metal records backwards and demons will come out of your lawn, etc.) But they also offer sound advise within the context of each film; not following these warnings will get you killed. Then there's  Don't Be Afraid of The Dark , where the oposite seems to be true. The title doesn't actually read as a warning, although the warning is implied there. It actually reads as a wheedlin