Skip to main content

They 2002

They falls in the category of, I nearly turned it off. What an ill-conceived, poorly scripted, terribly acted piece of crap.

The gist: A group of friends had childhood night terrors in which some kind of creatures tried to kill them. In their adult life, they find out that they were "marked" by these creatures who are now coming back for them. There is something about "alternate universes" or at least "a creature world that is invisible to humans but can be inhabited by humans".

Things may get confusing from here on out if I don't stop to mention that these creatures are called (you guessed it) THEY.

Where this story falls down: Why these four people and NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD?! This isn't really explained (or was unsatisfactorily explained).

Why do THEY bring people into their alternate monster universe to be killed when they can maul people in the regular human world? This seems inefficient at best. And like bad writing at worst.

Why is the "crazy guy" stupid? He tries to explain to one of his friends all the "signs that THEY are coming" which includes babies crying. Now. I get that to his friends this guy is supposed to sound nuts, BUT this is simply nuts. Babies cry for all kind of reasons BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO VERBAL SKILLS. Why didn't we go with a story like, dogs barking or something that COULD be attributed to "sensing something that humans can't see"?

If any of this sounds familiar it's because you've seen a horror movie before. And because Wes Craven was the executive producer.

Huge surprise coming up here - this movie BOMBED at the box office. Then, somehow it made it out on blu-ray as part of a "collection" with one of Wes Craven's personal failures, Cursed.

Wrap up: The world may actually be a better place without this movie.

You can watch the trailer here if you literally have NOTHING ELSE to waste your life on.

Popular posts from this blog

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible.

Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so.

I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response.

Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing, you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here.

Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement:
"Hor…

But The Flesh Is Weak: Cronenberg's Body Horrors

Body horror; something that effects each one of us as we are made of squishy, fallible, and finite flesh. Tackled many times in many ways throughout the years, body horror will stick with us until we finally learn to lose these weak, human bodies and begin existing in some other form.

There are many lenses through which to view body horror, lets talk about a few quickly before talking about some specific films in this genre.


Science and Technology
We depend on technology, especially in regards to our flimsy, fleshy bodies. Hip replacements, new hearts, brain surgery, iron lungs, cheek implants, etc. We have limited abilities and a limited lifespan, so we lean on technology to increase both. But what happens when we take that melding of mechanical and organic too far? Horror and scifi have taught us that going too far can lead to frighteningly devastating consequences and monstrous creations. (SpeciesRobocopFrankenstein, etc.)


Gender
Much of body horror is related to or revolves arou…

Pet Sematary

I learned a really interesting lesson the other night: no matter how many times you've seen a movie on a small screen, you haven't really seen it until you've done so on the big screen. Thus begins my story of realization in which I discover Pet Sematary (seemingly for the first time) and develop a theory that it might actually have been directed by David Lynch (this last bit being hyperbole, of course–but I've got a strong case for it, so stick with me).

Over the years, I've watched Pet Sematary a handful of times and while I know all the major plot points (and always remembered Denise Crosby as being completely awful), I definitely feel like I've seen a completely different movie this time around.

In case you're coming in late and don't know how the story goes, here's the $.25 of it: family moves into house positioned (oddly close) to an Indian burial ground. The neighbor is friendly (albeit creepy). The road they are on has absolutely no regular…