A Good Marriage (2014)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned.

I don't know why I continually do this to myself but, I watched another made for TV, Stephen King "movie" this week. I think I'm just a glutton for punishment; I know what I'm getting into when I do this, but my morbid curiosity always gets the best of me. On the chopping block tonight is A Good Marriage.

A little leg work tells me that this movie is based on a novella. I often question that translation process and this movie is a good example of why - I'm not convinced that there is enough in a novella to merit 2 hours of film. That's not always the case but, it certainly seems to be in this instance - and I write that not having read the source material. You regular readers know how I feel about Stephen King.

Even in the context of made for TV material, this movie was complete shit. It has some of the worst, stilted acting I have even seen. Joan Allen (Darcy) & Anthony LaPaglia (Bob) have less than no chemistry and couldn't convince me that they had even met before, let alone that they are a happily married couple; their sex scene at the beginning of the movie is one of the most awkward, terrible things I've ever had to watch - and I sat through BOTH Human Centipede & A Serbian Film.

Throughout the movie I kept thinking that the score was ripped right out of Kiss The Girls (speaking of movies based on books about serial killers.) Too bad that's the only thing they borrowed, while not a terrific movie, A Good Marriage could still have benefitted from even a .0001 of the acting skill in Kiss The Girls.

The plot is nothing new: a serial killer settles down to raise a family while he continues to kill in his free time. This story line could be said to have roots in classics like Jekyll & Hyde or Dorian Gray - where we the reader are asked to confront the duality of human nature and confront the classic struggle of good VS evil. If we choose to look more at the surface of the whole thing, it's really just a standard plot line of the thriller genre.

Darcy (the meek, unknowing wife of a serial killer) eventually discovers his secret and a confrontation ensues. Romantic promises are made, but no one in the story intends to keep them. Things eventually go badly for Bob (our serial killer) and we're left to wonder if Darcy will let sleeping dogs lay OR if she'll become a killer herself, now that she's tasted the power of taking another human's life. At least, I assume that's what I was supposed to be thinking as the end credits rolled by. What I was really thinking was, "thank god this movie is over and I never have to think about it again."

Apparently, King says he was inspired to write this gem based on details of BTK's life. BTK was a serial killer who Bound, Tortured, and Killed some folks in Kansas and was kind enough to write detailed accounts of these killings. Seems King isn't the only prolific writer our great country has been graced with. We're so very lucky. Anyway - I can only hope that BTK had something more interesting to write than this boring tale.

You can bore yourself to death with the Good Marriage trailer here:

You can pick up a copy of A Good Marriage here - if you literally have NOTHING ELSE to spend money on:

"I live, I love, I slay & I am Content."

Let me tell you a little about myself; something real about the home I grew up in. There were lots of people around all the time. I was the only child. And, thankfully, I wasn't treated as such. Much like today, I was just the shortest member of the household. But what's that really mean? Above and beyond it means that I had many influences growing up. For this entry, my father's influence is the most important. My father loves arms and armor. He loves history and mythology and the art of warfare. And as any good father would, he shared these passions with me as a kid. I remember him making me wooden swords to play with. We played chess together. And I remember him reading me Greek myths and comic books before bed. He also shared his nerdy love of scifi, fantasy, and horror movies with me. For all of this, I am grateful. And I am now passionate about the same things. Spoiler alert: the following statement is not a dick joke. I have a love of swords. And barbarian...

Dark Ride (2006)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned. I remember a time when horror was still a relatively underground genre and fans slunk around in the shadows, keeping their fandom to themselves for fear of judgement. Now, it seems everyone and their mother is a horror fan and has something to say about the genre - for better or worse. While this does mean horror movies (and related goodies) are easier for long-time genre fans to get their hands on, it also means an over-saturation of the market (leading to an excess of crap.) It also means tons of great opportunities (like festivals and conventions) have cropped up all over the place. The After Dark Horrorfest (or "8 Films to Die For") was at the forefront of the horror festival circuit and offered directors (and audiences alike) a terrific venue for checkin out new, original horror films. Pros and cons aside, I've often avoided the movies coming out of this festival - not because of the hype and ...

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it. Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you! I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. ( How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment! ) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually...

i'm kael's ghost

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