A Good Marriage (2014)

Spoilers, typos, and bad grammar ahead. You've been warned.

I don't know why I continually do this to myself but, I watched another made for TV, Stephen King "movie" this week. I think I'm just a glutton for punishment; I know what I'm getting into when I do this, but my morbid curiosity always gets the best of me. On the chopping block tonight is A Good Marriage.

A little leg work tells me that this movie is based on a novella. I often question that translation process and this movie is a good example of why - I'm not convinced that there is enough in a novella to merit 2 hours of film. That's not always the case but, it certainly seems to be in this instance - and I write that not having read the source material. You regular readers know how I feel about Stephen King.

Even in the context of made for TV material, this movie was complete shit. It has some of the worst, stilted acting I have even seen. Joan Allen (Darcy) & Anthony LaPaglia (Bob) have less than no chemistry and couldn't convince me that they had even met before, let alone that they are a happily married couple; their sex scene at the beginning of the movie is one of the most awkward, terrible things I've ever had to watch - and I sat through BOTH Human Centipede & A Serbian Film.

Throughout the movie I kept thinking that the score was ripped right out of Kiss The Girls (speaking of movies based on books about serial killers.) Too bad that's the only thing they borrowed, while not a terrific movie, A Good Marriage could still have benefitted from even a .0001 of the acting skill in Kiss The Girls.

The plot is nothing new: a serial killer settles down to raise a family while he continues to kill in his free time. This story line could be said to have roots in classics like Jekyll & Hyde or Dorian Gray - where we the reader are asked to confront the duality of human nature and confront the classic struggle of good VS evil. If we choose to look more at the surface of the whole thing, it's really just a standard plot line of the thriller genre.

Darcy (the meek, unknowing wife of a serial killer) eventually discovers his secret and a confrontation ensues. Romantic promises are made, but no one in the story intends to keep them. Things eventually go badly for Bob (our serial killer) and we're left to wonder if Darcy will let sleeping dogs lay OR if she'll become a killer herself, now that she's tasted the power of taking another human's life. At least, I assume that's what I was supposed to be thinking as the end credits rolled by. What I was really thinking was, "thank god this movie is over and I never have to think about it again."

Apparently, King says he was inspired to write this gem based on details of BTK's life. BTK was a serial killer who Bound, Tortured, and Killed some folks in Kansas and was kind enough to write detailed accounts of these killings. Seems King isn't the only prolific writer our great country has been graced with. We're so very lucky. Anyway - I can only hope that BTK had something more interesting to write than this boring tale.

You can bore yourself to death with the Good Marriage trailer here:

You can pick up a copy of A Good Marriage here - if you literally have NOTHING ELSE to spend money on:

Rebuttal: 17 Disturbing Horror Movies You Will Never Watch Again

When I'm not watching movies, I'm reading about movies. I stumble across all kinds of articles, blog posts, book excerpts, etc. in my quest to absorb as much movie knowledge as possible. Now, I'm snotty and loud-mouthed and opinionated but I'd never begrudge another human their opinion. Seriously. You're absolutely welcome to have any opinion about any thing you want. However, I must warn you, if I think your opinion is stupid, I'm absolutely going to say so. I've recently stumbled on an article completely brimming with so many idiotic opinions that I'm actually compelled to craft a response. Here's the gist of the original article: there are some horror movies out there that are so disturbing , you'll only ever want to watch them once. I've have taken her original list and refuted her claims without pulling her entire article over. You can read the original article here . Let's start at the beginning, with her opening statement

Escape From Tomorrow

I love creative people who are willing to take risks with their art. I appreciate the refusal to do things by the rules. I'm also terribly impatient with mediocrity. Enter Escape From Tomorrow . Created by a team of rogue filmmakers, the movie was shot in the video mode of high-end still cameras. Actors shared scripts and shooting locations across their smartphones. Shot on location at Disney World, the parks were completely unaware this was all going on right under their mouse ears. I wanted to love Escape From Tomorrow. More than that, I wanted to be completely taken with its ingenuity and creativity and - oh yes - its originality. And there is really a simple brilliance to their covert plan; all families are roaming around the parks, taking videos and chatting on their phones. Just blend the fuck in, act like you belong, and you won't get caught. Too bad the movie can be summed up as: ambitious but Rubbish. As you can imagine (or possibly know), there was a ton of con

The Witch (2015)

You know the drill - there's ALWAYS spoilers. Don't want the movie ruined for you, come back after you've seen it. Also - I'm still without an editor - typos and bad grammar await you! I keep hoping that the cultural obsession with zombies will end; literally every other damn movie that comes 'round seems to feature some sort of shambling, undead being bent on devouring the weak flesh of regular humans. Once upon a time, zombies have have been used as a metaphor for the blind consumerism created by our capitalist society, or the perceived depletion of resources by immigrants, or even the ravages of time and disease on our frail bodies. Now it seems that the deeper social commentary has been lost as audiences mindlessly consume "zombie fiction" in an attempt to keep up with trends. ( How very meta - a film buddy of mine commented on this assessment! ) All of this is just a sideways rant, leading up to my actual point: it seems that zombie may actually

i'm kael's ghost

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